Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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