oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
