Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
