I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
