took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
