Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Randomize
