So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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