Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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