Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
