Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize