everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Michael Bay diarrhea
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
