I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
