i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
