You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
third nipple confirmed
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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