I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
