If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
