I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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