His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
