The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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