I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
