got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
