"it" just moved
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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