I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't deserve a penis
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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