She is in my trunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
