You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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