Your dad touched me again.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
