after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
