69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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