I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
