I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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