There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize