Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
