The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
