I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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