My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
