Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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