I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
