oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
