I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
where are you?
Hypothermia
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
