you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
