This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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