so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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