did you get engaged???
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
