i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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