Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
