I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
