Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize