Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
