after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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