Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize