My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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