We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
