please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
