My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
