By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
