I think my fart just growled at me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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