Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
