I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
