One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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