Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
