you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So many bounce houses so little time
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
