sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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