i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
