I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
