ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
