First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
