she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
