do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
