i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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