I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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