Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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