All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
