I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
