Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
