the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
