I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
