Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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