you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
