Only a mothe r could love this liver
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize