at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
