I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
