the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
