At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
