Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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