Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize