This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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