How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
