Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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