Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
