My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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