Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
