So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
