dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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