That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
