The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
