1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
