Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
