Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
