When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
