i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
