I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
