i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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