OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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