about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize