Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
