sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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