her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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