I looked at my own cervix.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
