Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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