Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
