69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So much Jack, so little girl.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
