he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize