is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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