wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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