She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
