As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
